HeadSpill

Day 30 - Derry/Londonderry
At Manchester airport I am frisked twice at security, maybe because I’m wearing Danny’s large brown duffel coat to keep the baggage costs down. I’m not sure what to expect arriving in Belfast, but arrive at the Malone Hotel without incident.
One of my best mates is Irish and I lived with him for 3 years, so I should know the appropriate naming convention for the city in which we are playing tonight. I think Derry, but Charlie is calling it Londonderry and on the way there all the signs say Londonderry so I start doubting my knowledge and think I’m getting it confused with a brand of butter. So I start calling it Londonderry, then as we’re almost there the road signs are all de-faced saying just ‘derry’. Oh Dear, I sense an ill-formed faux pax on the horizon. The gig is well attended and the venue is lovely. I avoid hassle by simply asking who is “local” and “not local”, I’d later find out that even the BBC have protocol for Derry. In the first instance it’s ‘Londonderry’, in the second it’s ‘Derry’ and after that it’s refered to as ‘the city’.

Day 31 & 32 - Belfast
For the few days in Belfast we are staying in an apartment thanks to Charlie - so we can do amazing things like use an oven or microwave. Charlie cooks an awesome steak, Kristina makes mashed potatoes, and I buy loads of ex-rental dvd’s for 99p to watch, which is almost helpful. I meet up with Phil Topping who I’ve not seen in years and he takes me on a great tour of Belfast city taking in the town hall, the Crown Inn (where we meet some american tourists on a cruise) and the catherdral quarter. There is a church with a big metal spike instead of a tower. This is becuse some of Belfast is built on marshland, so anything really heavy sinks into the ground. Phil tells me Belfast is a new city in the last few years, and it certainly feels like a place on the up. Busy, pleasant and the venue we’re in at the Waterfront Theatre is a big glass building with loads of venue spaces. We’re in the studio which we’ve almost managed to fill on both nights playing there. Friday’s gig is great, Saturdays is even better. Afterward, Phil and his mate take us on the drink around town, we hit a bar with a band playing, it is very loud and the drink is addlestones. I don’t remember much after that, a top few days.

Day 21 - Wellingborough
After the sell out gig in Nottingham, things are more normal and quiet in Wellingborough. A nice enough  place, though the rear corridor of the Hind Hotel smells strongly of faeces. A good show is had despite low numbers, and Charlie and I go for a post show pint in the Cromwell, the pub attached to the hotel - which closes at 8pm. What? It is half past 10. “We close at 8″ says the woman behind the bar as she pulls our pint. Charlie pops outside to use his phone then dashes back in as two drunk men wobble down the road toward him.
We leave the next morning.

Day 22 - Cheltenham
Danny Pensive did his first ever closing gig here at Cheltenham race course, so I like Cheltenham, and we’re not disappointed. A full house for the show and a great one too. I quick wander into the town centre past loads of fanct clothes shops and a giant bronze rabbit sitting next to a bull. A nice fast internet conection at the venue and I managed to download the first episode of Spooks and Merlin of the BBCi player, how showbiz. There is no phone signal at all in the hotel.

Day 23 - Brecon
Day one of the ‘Welsh Trilogy’. Yes, we’ve been to Wales already twice, but this time we stay in the same gust house for three days and sattellite to the venues to gain a modicum of consistancy before the last two dates of the English leg of the tour. We head direct to the unpronounceable theatre in Brecon where it rains, and rains, and rains. Cool stuff - my cousin Seb and his missus turn up to watch the show and catch up which is a much needed respite, as the crowd really are a challenge tonight.

Day 24 - Newtown
Consistency in the Welsh Trilogy is provided by Joan and David at the Plas Canol gust house in Newtown, Powys, a 3 star establishment where all surfaces are liberally covered by Laura Ashley patterns. I don’t have anytime to enjoy it, getting up at 6 and driving up to Chester for some Comedysportz corporate work, see the missus for lunch and head back. The Theatre, or Theatr, Hafren looks like it’s in the middle of nowhere, like Newtown itself, but the posters of previous tours clearly show different, and there’s a good crowd in to see the show. Afterward a walk in the freezing cold to a pub where they are playing darts. It is very Welsh indeed, and pleasingly so.

Croydon, Continued.
So I come stage, not a great one but still full of buzz, and walk upstairs backstage to the ‘artists bar’ because I deserve it, surely, and walk straight into Lloyd Langford and Rhod Gilbert. They were surprised and confused, I hadn’t put two and two together and came out with “Are you on tonight?” to break the silence. Blah, blah, blah. awkwardness. I walked back downstairs. Blah, blah, blah, anecdote, new act competition back in 2002 in York with me and Matt Reed where Rhod closed. Go and see Rhod, he’s on tour at the moment as too, and doing quite well.

Day 15 - Colchester
We were allowed to leave Croydon eventually and went to Colchester which is full of students. The Mercury Theatre venue was octagonally nice, and in lue of the whole town being over occupied for accomodation we  holed up in it for the better part of the day taking advantage of free tea, coffee and wifi. The wifi was free but controlled by a networking jedi master called Colin. If you are a child of the laptop generation, know that Colin does not just give out the WEP key, Colin has memorised it, and also requires you to configure your browser to access the local network using a password, so that any internet signal you access is regulated by the jedi master to block out all questionable content. Some may balk at Colin and his overly secure old school ways, but I know my data-pipe onions enough to know that Colin is hardcore, and to be  respected, standing like a bronze collosus over the mouth of the web-harbour preventing the fragile and  innocent minds of the surfers at the Mercury Theatre from seeing adverts for naughty casinos and f***book.
Good gig, not my best though.
With no accom left in Colchester, we made our way via Peterborough to…

Day 15 & 16 - Hexham
We had time to take in some history and did hadrians wall, which was visally gorgeous if you’re into that kind of thing, which I am. Big vistas, rolling hills and ancient countryside - full of old people, stones and sheep. Steffan Peddie runs a gig at the Queens Hall Arts centre, as did Warren Speed and Neil Magee before him, dating back to the middle ages. I’ve played the venue loads of time but not the main theatre until tonight. It was bloody great too, and I got to sign some autographs with the pen I bought back in newport. Nice.

Day 6 - Loughborough.
We arrived at the guesthouse early again, thanks the already muddy BMW. The lady owner of the guesthouse is not fully dressed and about to go to a funeral. Apparently the poor deceased had to have his legs and arms broken to fit him in the coffin.
Market street in Loughborough has a Bakers Oven. I passed the greggs specifically to go there, only upon being server to recieve my treats in Greggs bags. Brazen pasty mis-representation if you ask me. “Are you a Greggs or a Bakers Oven?” I asked. “Yes” said the woman behind the counter. Good show in the town hall, though I’m writing this from day 8, so it’s already becoming a bit of a blur.

Day 7 - Cardiff.
No show today so we 3 happy troopers, Charlie, Kristina and me, all rocked up in Cardiff where parking was none existant and chilled out. Charlie had a TV spot, Kristina talked to herself in her room all afternoon (disguising it with a bluetooth headset, but fooling no-one), while I had laptop keyboard bother. Went to see The Expendables, which was loads of fun. Sylvester Stallone has finally found a way to sound like a profound thespian, by having a converstion with Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren is the best thing in the film.

Day 8 - Swansea
Swansea! It’s easy to see a lot of Swansea due to the incomprehensible one ways system that feels like it was invented by a lopsided town planner who got a pen and paper and ‘took a line for a walk’ . That said, the Swansea Grand Theatre is an awesome old venue, and was awesome to play too. There was a reviewer in, as well as Charlie’s tour producer, a very rock and roll chap from the London who also produces shows for Billy Ocean and Micheal Bubble. We all got very drunk and went back to the hotel. I forgot where I was and did a really loud fart in the night, and I think my arse was poking out the bed too. Charlie, if you are reading this, I profoundly apologise.

I’m on tour. Danny Pensive is supporting The One Man Lord of The Rings show throughout September, and this is what happened…

Day one - Sheffield.
Arrived early in the Heathrow branch of Avis to meet Charlie and Kristina his tour manager and pick up the ‘tourmobile’. Charlie went big and got a BMW 320, which was good as it turns out we have a lot of stuff. I’ve never driven a BMW before, and as the licence carrying driver, re-assured both by jerking them violently in the car all the way out of London while a tried to ‘find the bite’.
The first stop was Sheffield Lyceum. Got settled, went for a stroll and bumped into the lovely AJ Brown mooching through town in a dapper hat, so joined him for a bit of walking and looking. Over 400 in, it was a lovely show, and a great way to kick off the tour. Great Gig. Took the BMW home through snake pass. nice.

Day Two - Middlesborough
Sitting in a premier in just outside Middlesborough, Charlie mistakes a lifesize cardboard cutout of Lenny Henry for Ainsley Harriot. Easy mistake.
Middlesborough theatre tonight, not been there but got some mates coming. We shall see.

The greenbelt festival on Saturday night was an absolute belter. Danny Pensive closed, and despite the gig being called short - the gig being in a tent venue, they had to wrap at eleven - the crowd were awesome. I had new dvd’s made from Danny’s video diaries, I’ve never sold anything at a gig before, and only took five, but they all went like proverbial hot cakes straight after. Top night, and lots of new facebook friends too, nice.

The Edinburgh festival finishes this week, and I’m starting to put together ideas for next year. Some comics go up every year with a new show, some never go at all. I think I’d quite like to the former, but a new show every year? I feel I’d lack consistancy. Not quality - just consistancy, I get too excited by too many things.

I had a conversation over a curry with comic chum Dan where we banged on about having loads of ideas in different forms (scripts, stand up, character stuff, etc), but then which ones do you ultimately give your time to in order to follow them through and do ‘em justice? The more you spread yourself over multiple disciples, the less time you’d have for each, and at the creative sharp end of comedy you can’t really afford to take you’re eye off one ball, let alone three. I have three balls.

Ahem. There’s Stand Up, Danny Pensive - character comedy, and Comedysportz  and I believe in them all equally, they’re like a comedy triumvirate of disciplines.

Danny Pensive is all about the writing, use of language and lack of compromise. As I am now, locked away in a room, fathoming out what I find funny and presenting it to the world. Simple, beautiful, and I refer to him in the third person, which while I appriciate is quite odd feels perfectly normal.
Comedysportz is all about the moment. No writing, just instinct being bounced around making brief wonderful moments that can’t be recreated.
Then there’s me, a combination of the two. I love stand up and writing, but it’s the hardest part of the whole. Writing is comedy, if it doesn’t jump off the page, it probably won’t dance out your mouth to the sound of laughter, and once written and delivered stand up evolves in the telling, a combination of written word,  improvised flourish and repetition.

I’ve spent most of this year doing repetition. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s what promoters pay for when they book you, your best stuff. While at the same time writing new stuff for Danny and on occasion taking Danny tried and tested stuff as my own, which feels like stealing, but really isn’t, though I do feel guilty, which is probably my fault for invoking the third person. It’s more evidence of decent gags, and a very long winded round-the-houses way of not getting bored with a ‘club set’ while cultivating new gags in a parallel dimension.

I’m looking at taking a Danny Pensive show to Edinburgh next year. Wish him luck.

Wedding
So I’m at the wedding of some friends in Windermere, it’s December, cold, and the ceremony is at the bit where the bride throws the bouquet. As the bunch of flowers flies into the air behind her I try to take a photo but all I can hear is my girlfriend shouting the word ‘baggsied!’ (a term meaning ‘get off, it’s mine’). According to tradition I am now next in line to get married. Apparently.

The Speaker
I’ve done some filming with ther BBC for a new show called ‘The speaker’ (see more here: www.bbc.co.uk/speaker ) which goes out in January on BBC 2. It’s a competition to find Britain’s best young speaker and after every new episode there’s a new short film published online covering a day in the life of someone who’s job is public speaking. One week It’ll be a singer, another week a teacher, and then I’m on week 6 or thereabouts talking about being a comic.

The recording took place at a small gig in Stockport which was lovely, so I’m hoping it shows in the broadcast.

Fallout 3
The last 2 months my life has been sucked dry by the gaming pleasure of Fallout 3. The joy of wandering around a post apocalyptic landscape listening to ‘I dont want top set the world on fire’, and shooting big monsters with bigger guns was the best game I’ve played in yonks. I want my life back now.

Telly
As you may or may not know I’m a massive fan of old and cult telly; everything from Quatermass and Starfleet (the puppet version, not the roddenbery one) to Edge of Darkness and my all time favourite Day of the Triffids (BBC ‘81 version), which is currently being remade, thanks to the success of New Doctor Who and the recent remake of Survivors.
Survivors, a  show from the 70’s was all about everyone dying out from a virus, this time a bird-flu type epidemic. It’s been all been a bit too sexy for my liking, not enough grime and unpleasentness. My biggest problem, however was the last episode didn’t actually end and just stopped as it got going to leave you wanting more, which is a bit rubbish.

Bye Bye 2008
It’s nearly the end of 2008, a time to reflect on what 2008 brought and set goals for 2009. For me the biggest achievments have been my edinburgh show,  despite the successs not being large in commercial terms I feel I’ve evolved as a comic. Also going fully self employed, which as no small task and will probably form the basis of a show in 2009.

Goodbye to the man.
I am now the man. My own boss. In October handed in my notice and filled in my first fax return to go self employed. It was and is a big deal.

Balancing life and work is not an easy equation, you can either have time or money. Ever since I decided I wanted to be a comic back in 2001 It soon became apparent that time was needed to write, travel and perform. This is opposed by work, or more specifically money. Money to travel, pay rent, eat and live generally.

Some comics, even pro comics still do work other than comedy to pay the bills.  It doesn’t make them any less gifted as comics, but it’s merely a temporary means of supplementing their career, nothing more.

I’m a comedian. I’m also a middleweight graphic designer and have been for a while, with a ‘career’ job, the kind agencies advertise for in newspapers, and can pay quite hansomely, up to 30k in some places.

Q. Which of the above titles is more valid?

‘Middleweight’ might sound grand but I never called myself ‘middleweight’ by choice. I was told I was ‘middleweight’ by an agency bod over the phone once when they asked what I could do, I still prefer simply ‘designer’, if at all. It took me years to confidently say I’m a comedian, and anyone can use that title simply by getting on stage for 5 minutes.

A. neither. 

I’d managed to negociate reduced hours to accomodate my career in comedy, which didn’t happen overnight, but even then the more time I’d had the more I wanted to fully capitalise on the gig opportunities I was getting.

I spoke to a few freelancers, most had become freelancers due to other commitments or because they’d never been in full time employment and couldn’t ever see themselves staying in the same place for long time.

People I know who are self employed are the most overworked people I know, they don’t have a pay cheque coming in at the end of the month, so whatever work they get needs to be done as soon as possible. Also while they are doing that work they need to be looking for more work and selling themselves to do when that work is done.

I went to to ‘business start up’ seminar. I thought it would help and it did, but not in the way I thought. The main lessons I pretty much already knew from chasing comedy bookings, self confidence, go out and get the work, have an angle thats uniquely yours.

I liked freelancing, and started doing some out of hours work as well as gigs (no time to socialise), but did nothing to get more, thinking it too unstable and irregular to take seriously. Though suppose I knew the real reason wasn’t this, or abilty, but somthing more substantial. Fear.

Fear is a great motivator. You can do a lot of things with it. I’d never not had a full time job and couldn’t fathom how I’d survive without a regular pay packet at the end of the month. Even though some months gigs and freelance paid plently.

Life had become like ’stone soup’, the story where a traveller puts a stone in a pot, adds water and veg and makes stone soup. He deceives the locals it’s the stone that makes the tastey broth, when in actuality it’s all the other stuff thats added that makes it wholesome.  I was making stone soup and focusing on the stone.

The next day I handed my notice in. That was 3 months ago.  I’ve not looked back.

The Manchester Comedy Festival kicks off this week and I’m not in it because I missed the deadline and didn’t get a venue for my show sorted. Event’s have a funny way of conspiring though, and as it happens the Literature festival runs on exactly the same dates, and I’m doing two things for that, and even have my face in the brochure for the Poetry Slam Final that I’m mc’ing at the Northern Pub. During the fest I’ll be compering a Doctor Who convention (see previous post) on Saturday and doing the late night Asylum next Wednesday. As well as that I’ve got a whole new night kicking off in November, ‘Northern Humour‘, a sunday new material/character/wacky stuff night in the Northern Pub which promises to be proper fun.

The fest appears to be a lot more low key than in previous years, which is a bit of a shame for something that really needs to be as in-yer-face as it possibly can. With no sponsership this year it’s hard to can as much exposure when all the work being done to promote it is more or less being donated by the organisers. Hopefully next year it will be bigger, but that’ll only happen if more people get behind it, promoters and comics alike.

I did my first Leeds tryout at Jongleurs last week, and if I’m honest a previous week of no gigs made me rusty when I needed to be ‘gig fit’. It’s a tough gig at the best of times, and worse if you’re in comedy for the art. This was swiftly rectified the next night when I did my first gig in a Jewish synagogue doing a half hour for the Jewish new year. Not the easiest of crowds either, but a good few of them recognised me from the comedysportz gig the previous week at the Comedy Store, which made the whole thing immediately more enjoyable. Someone commented on my big nose. Racist.

I got to meet one of my all time heroes this week too. Neil Innes, he of the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah band, at Bury Met. He’d didn’t play as much Bonzo’s as I’d like, but then I’m sure he’s pig sick of playing the same requests all the time. I was in proper fan mode and got my 40th anniversary bonzos tour t-shirt signed.

September has been incredibly quiet for gigs, almost like Edinburgh didn’t happen, my poor little ego going unloved and feeling sorry for itself. There’s a shedload in the pipeline fortunetly, including a return to the glorious Edinburgh stand in late october and a Darlington run out for my show in November.