HeadSpill

Day 30 - Derry/Londonderry
At Manchester airport I am frisked twice at security, maybe because I’m wearing Danny’s large brown duffel coat to keep the baggage costs down. I’m not sure what to expect arriving in Belfast, but arrive at the Malone Hotel without incident.
One of my best mates is Irish and I lived with him for 3 years, so I should know the appropriate naming convention for the city in which we are playing tonight. I think Derry, but Charlie is calling it Londonderry and on the way there all the signs say Londonderry so I start doubting my knowledge and think I’m getting it confused with a brand of butter. So I start calling it Londonderry, then as we’re almost there the road signs are all de-faced saying just ‘derry’. Oh Dear, I sense an ill-formed faux pax on the horizon. The gig is well attended and the venue is lovely. I avoid hassle by simply asking who is “local” and “not local”, I’d later find out that even the BBC have protocol for Derry. In the first instance it’s ‘Londonderry’, in the second it’s ‘Derry’ and after that it’s refered to as ‘the city’.

Day 31 & 32 - Belfast
For the few days in Belfast we are staying in an apartment thanks to Charlie - so we can do amazing things like use an oven or microwave. Charlie cooks an awesome steak, Kristina makes mashed potatoes, and I buy loads of ex-rental dvd’s for 99p to watch, which is almost helpful. I meet up with Phil Topping who I’ve not seen in years and he takes me on a great tour of Belfast city taking in the town hall, the Crown Inn (where we meet some american tourists on a cruise) and the catherdral quarter. There is a church with a big metal spike instead of a tower. This is becuse some of Belfast is built on marshland, so anything really heavy sinks into the ground. Phil tells me Belfast is a new city in the last few years, and it certainly feels like a place on the up. Busy, pleasant and the venue we’re in at the Waterfront Theatre is a big glass building with loads of venue spaces. We’re in the studio which we’ve almost managed to fill on both nights playing there. Friday’s gig is great, Saturdays is even better. Afterward, Phil and his mate take us on the drink around town, we hit a bar with a band playing, it is very loud and the drink is addlestones. I don’t remember much after that, a top few days.

Day 21 - Wellingborough
After the sell out gig in Nottingham, things are more normal and quiet in Wellingborough. A nice enough  place, though the rear corridor of the Hind Hotel smells strongly of faeces. A good show is had despite low numbers, and Charlie and I go for a post show pint in the Cromwell, the pub attached to the hotel - which closes at 8pm. What? It is half past 10. “We close at 8″ says the woman behind the bar as she pulls our pint. Charlie pops outside to use his phone then dashes back in as two drunk men wobble down the road toward him.
We leave the next morning.

Day 22 - Cheltenham
Danny Pensive did his first ever closing gig here at Cheltenham race course, so I like Cheltenham, and we’re not disappointed. A full house for the show and a great one too. I quick wander into the town centre past loads of fanct clothes shops and a giant bronze rabbit sitting next to a bull. A nice fast internet conection at the venue and I managed to download the first episode of Spooks and Merlin of the BBCi player, how showbiz. There is no phone signal at all in the hotel.

Day 23 - Brecon
Day one of the ‘Welsh Trilogy’. Yes, we’ve been to Wales already twice, but this time we stay in the same gust house for three days and sattellite to the venues to gain a modicum of consistancy before the last two dates of the English leg of the tour. We head direct to the unpronounceable theatre in Brecon where it rains, and rains, and rains. Cool stuff - my cousin Seb and his missus turn up to watch the show and catch up which is a much needed respite, as the crowd really are a challenge tonight.

Day 24 - Newtown
Consistency in the Welsh Trilogy is provided by Joan and David at the Plas Canol gust house in Newtown, Powys, a 3 star establishment where all surfaces are liberally covered by Laura Ashley patterns. I don’t have anytime to enjoy it, getting up at 6 and driving up to Chester for some Comedysportz corporate work, see the missus for lunch and head back. The Theatre, or Theatr, Hafren looks like it’s in the middle of nowhere, like Newtown itself, but the posters of previous tours clearly show different, and there’s a good crowd in to see the show. Afterward a walk in the freezing cold to a pub where they are playing darts. It is very Welsh indeed, and pleasingly so.

Back in March my car was broken into while I was doing my show at the frog, and my projector and screen were knicked.

Despite being bloody annoyed and having to clean up broken glass before driving home, I noticed a small disgusting gobet of snotty phlem on the drivers seat…and it wasn’t mine.
I don’t watch the show CSI, but being the ’slightly detched from reality’ person I am it occured to me that if I wiped it up and kept it safe the police could do a DNA test on it to find the culprit.
They came round the next day and dusted the car for prints as a matter of course, when I told them about my bit of snotty evidence and I don’t know if they were amused or intrigued at my attempts to be a forensic detective, but they humoured me and swobed the snot with their special police dipper-probe thing.

And a few weeks later they got a match. And they caught him. And they charged him.

TAKE THAT MANCHESTER CRIME!

The police agreed I was lucky, they don’t always catch the pettiest of thieves, but did commend my presence of mind, which help catch the bugger. Hurray!

Got up at 5.30am. Drove to Newcastle and picked up an Amp for the free Fringeand after seeing my folks in Sunderland, arrived in Edinburgh at 2pm . I set to work putting up some posters at the free fringe venues (I’m at canons gait). I’d over loaded the pockets of my ill fitting cut off combat pants with flyers and on reaching up to apply the publicity piece, they fell down in full view.

bought a new belt.

The flat is ace, and  I can see carl sagan’s massive face from my window (in a shop front advert).  Went to the free fringe meeting where PBH stated quite literally. ‘If the public come, we will kill them’. He rocks.

Went to see Longleys show. It is late, I am knackered.

People I met:
Kevin Gildea
Paddy Monahan
Don Moses
Paul Kerensa
Gav Webster
Matt Tiller
BethanyBlack
Longleyman

People I saw at a distance:
Mark Watson
Simon Munnery

People who I created an awkward showbiz silence with:
Teddy

First show tomorrow, hurray!

June and July have been pretty eventful. Most notably the nightmare that was logging in my PC to check my bank balance and finding £350 had disappeared out of it care of some gambling website and I’d become the victim of card fraud. Having pedalled it into town to go to the bank and get it sorted, one stressful ranty conversation later I came out to find my bike had been nicked. Joy. I decided to cheer myself up by picking up a copy of the fringe festival brochure to see my name in print only to find the show, but without my name in fromt of it, which on further examination was my fault. I went a bit mental and put some stickers I’d found on my face in an attempt to show the world my bellicosity.

In brighter news I went camping twice in the space of four days set foot in Maidenhead, Bracknell, Windsor, Newquay, Truro, St Austell, Cardiff, Coniston and Sunderland. First with wor lass, then on ‘Man & Nature 4′, the 4th Annual North West Comedians comedy camp, 2 fine days worth of drinking, bitching and riding motor boats on lake coniston while fishing and drinking and bitching. I put my tent up in the p****ng rain, the high wind tipped it over but after a couple of bottles of ‘Cornish Rattler’ bought fresh from a Cyder farm the previous day, I was half nakedly hammering the pegs back in with my bare hands and thinking nothing of it. Class.

Wor lass went away to the USA on sunday, so I’m is a bit sad. As evidence of just how accustomed I’ve become to living together, last night in her absence I drew a face on a balloon. Oh dear. (not that she looks like a balloon or anything). With loads of room and time to myself now though I can focus on banging my Edinburgh show into shape ready for August, and I’ll do another video blog for that shortly.

My first preview show went well, still needs a lot of work, but to be honest I more impressed myself driving slap bang through through the centre of London. Stopping at some lights I looked to my left to see big ben and the eye and let out an odd maniacal laugh.

I did cockup on a couple things in the show, as well as forgetting to turn my dictaphone on to record it (fail.) and the ‘aftershow report’ video I recorded for 4laughs was far to dark to be or any use. Generally though, I’m quite happy with the shape of it, just need to tighted a lot of the material up without strangling the funny.

I have a new gig to mc. hurray!

I can’t complain even though I’m already too busy with Edinburgh stuff, but I had been eyeing up the Carlton Club, a gig venue just down the road, since I moved late last year.  I’d been put off as it said on the sign outside ‘member’s only’, but then when I passed the other there was a big banner out front advertising the ‘Celebrate Whalley Range Festival and the ‘members’ bit was covered up. It was all but over by the time I went for a nosey, but a few enquiries later, and I was having a meeting discussing a comedy night, which they were after. There’s work to be done promoting it, and time will tell if it works out, but first impressions, and seeing that they’ve got a newsletter and roster of events, suggest that this very established venue is having a bit of  a renaissance. Today is a good day.

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The Apple Bar, Bristol. It only serves cider. It’s on a boat. What more do you want! I’m in heaven! (Some swearing)