HeadSpill

Day 30 - Derry/Londonderry
At Manchester airport I am frisked twice at security, maybe because I’m wearing Danny’s large brown duffel coat to keep the baggage costs down. I’m not sure what to expect arriving in Belfast, but arrive at the Malone Hotel without incident.
One of my best mates is Irish and I lived with him for 3 years, so I should know the appropriate naming convention for the city in which we are playing tonight. I think Derry, but Charlie is calling it Londonderry and on the way there all the signs say Londonderry so I start doubting my knowledge and think I’m getting it confused with a brand of butter. So I start calling it Londonderry, then as we’re almost there the road signs are all de-faced saying just ‘derry’. Oh Dear, I sense an ill-formed faux pax on the horizon. The gig is well attended and the venue is lovely. I avoid hassle by simply asking who is “local” and “not local”, I’d later find out that even the BBC have protocol for Derry. In the first instance it’s ‘Londonderry’, in the second it’s ‘Derry’ and after that it’s refered to as ‘the city’.

Day 31 & 32 - Belfast
For the few days in Belfast we are staying in an apartment thanks to Charlie - so we can do amazing things like use an oven or microwave. Charlie cooks an awesome steak, Kristina makes mashed potatoes, and I buy loads of ex-rental dvd’s for 99p to watch, which is almost helpful. I meet up with Phil Topping who I’ve not seen in years and he takes me on a great tour of Belfast city taking in the town hall, the Crown Inn (where we meet some american tourists on a cruise) and the catherdral quarter. There is a church with a big metal spike instead of a tower. This is becuse some of Belfast is built on marshland, so anything really heavy sinks into the ground. Phil tells me Belfast is a new city in the last few years, and it certainly feels like a place on the up. Busy, pleasant and the venue we’re in at the Waterfront Theatre is a big glass building with loads of venue spaces. We’re in the studio which we’ve almost managed to fill on both nights playing there. Friday’s gig is great, Saturdays is even better. Afterward, Phil and his mate take us on the drink around town, we hit a bar with a band playing, it is very loud and the drink is addlestones. I don’t remember much after that, a top few days.

Day 21 - Wellingborough
After the sell out gig in Nottingham, things are more normal and quiet in Wellingborough. A nice enough  place, though the rear corridor of the Hind Hotel smells strongly of faeces. A good show is had despite low numbers, and Charlie and I go for a post show pint in the Cromwell, the pub attached to the hotel - which closes at 8pm. What? It is half past 10. “We close at 8″ says the woman behind the bar as she pulls our pint. Charlie pops outside to use his phone then dashes back in as two drunk men wobble down the road toward him.
We leave the next morning.

Day 22 - Cheltenham
Danny Pensive did his first ever closing gig here at Cheltenham race course, so I like Cheltenham, and we’re not disappointed. A full house for the show and a great one too. I quick wander into the town centre past loads of fanct clothes shops and a giant bronze rabbit sitting next to a bull. A nice fast internet conection at the venue and I managed to download the first episode of Spooks and Merlin of the BBCi player, how showbiz. There is no phone signal at all in the hotel.

Day 23 - Brecon
Day one of the ‘Welsh Trilogy’. Yes, we’ve been to Wales already twice, but this time we stay in the same gust house for three days and sattellite to the venues to gain a modicum of consistancy before the last two dates of the English leg of the tour. We head direct to the unpronounceable theatre in Brecon where it rains, and rains, and rains. Cool stuff - my cousin Seb and his missus turn up to watch the show and catch up which is a much needed respite, as the crowd really are a challenge tonight.

Day 24 - Newtown
Consistency in the Welsh Trilogy is provided by Joan and David at the Plas Canol gust house in Newtown, Powys, a 3 star establishment where all surfaces are liberally covered by Laura Ashley patterns. I don’t have anytime to enjoy it, getting up at 6 and driving up to Chester for some Comedysportz corporate work, see the missus for lunch and head back. The Theatre, or Theatr, Hafren looks like it’s in the middle of nowhere, like Newtown itself, but the posters of previous tours clearly show different, and there’s a good crowd in to see the show. Afterward a walk in the freezing cold to a pub where they are playing darts. It is very Welsh indeed, and pleasingly so.

Croydon, Continued.
So I come stage, not a great one but still full of buzz, and walk upstairs backstage to the ‘artists bar’ because I deserve it, surely, and walk straight into Lloyd Langford and Rhod Gilbert. They were surprised and confused, I hadn’t put two and two together and came out with “Are you on tonight?” to break the silence. Blah, blah, blah. awkwardness. I walked back downstairs. Blah, blah, blah, anecdote, new act competition back in 2002 in York with me and Matt Reed where Rhod closed. Go and see Rhod, he’s on tour at the moment as too, and doing quite well.

Day 15 - Colchester
We were allowed to leave Croydon eventually and went to Colchester which is full of students. The Mercury Theatre venue was octagonally nice, and in lue of the whole town being over occupied for accomodation we  holed up in it for the better part of the day taking advantage of free tea, coffee and wifi. The wifi was free but controlled by a networking jedi master called Colin. If you are a child of the laptop generation, know that Colin does not just give out the WEP key, Colin has memorised it, and also requires you to configure your browser to access the local network using a password, so that any internet signal you access is regulated by the jedi master to block out all questionable content. Some may balk at Colin and his overly secure old school ways, but I know my data-pipe onions enough to know that Colin is hardcore, and to be  respected, standing like a bronze collosus over the mouth of the web-harbour preventing the fragile and  innocent minds of the surfers at the Mercury Theatre from seeing adverts for naughty casinos and f***book.
Good gig, not my best though.
With no accom left in Colchester, we made our way via Peterborough to…

Day 15 & 16 - Hexham
We had time to take in some history and did hadrians wall, which was visally gorgeous if you’re into that kind of thing, which I am. Big vistas, rolling hills and ancient countryside - full of old people, stones and sheep. Steffan Peddie runs a gig at the Queens Hall Arts centre, as did Warren Speed and Neil Magee before him, dating back to the middle ages. I’ve played the venue loads of time but not the main theatre until tonight. It was bloody great too, and I got to sign some autographs with the pen I bought back in newport. Nice.

Day 6 - Loughborough.
We arrived at the guesthouse early again, thanks the already muddy BMW. The lady owner of the guesthouse is not fully dressed and about to go to a funeral. Apparently the poor deceased had to have his legs and arms broken to fit him in the coffin.
Market street in Loughborough has a Bakers Oven. I passed the greggs specifically to go there, only upon being server to recieve my treats in Greggs bags. Brazen pasty mis-representation if you ask me. “Are you a Greggs or a Bakers Oven?” I asked. “Yes” said the woman behind the counter. Good show in the town hall, though I’m writing this from day 8, so it’s already becoming a bit of a blur.

Day 7 - Cardiff.
No show today so we 3 happy troopers, Charlie, Kristina and me, all rocked up in Cardiff where parking was none existant and chilled out. Charlie had a TV spot, Kristina talked to herself in her room all afternoon (disguising it with a bluetooth headset, but fooling no-one), while I had laptop keyboard bother. Went to see The Expendables, which was loads of fun. Sylvester Stallone has finally found a way to sound like a profound thespian, by having a converstion with Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren is the best thing in the film.

Day 8 - Swansea
Swansea! It’s easy to see a lot of Swansea due to the incomprehensible one ways system that feels like it was invented by a lopsided town planner who got a pen and paper and ‘took a line for a walk’ . That said, the Swansea Grand Theatre is an awesome old venue, and was awesome to play too. There was a reviewer in, as well as Charlie’s tour producer, a very rock and roll chap from the London who also produces shows for Billy Ocean and Micheal Bubble. We all got very drunk and went back to the hotel. I forgot where I was and did a really loud fart in the night, and I think my arse was poking out the bed too. Charlie, if you are reading this, I profoundly apologise.

I’m on tour. Danny Pensive is supporting The One Man Lord of The Rings show throughout September, and this is what happened…

Day one - Sheffield.
Arrived early in the Heathrow branch of Avis to meet Charlie and Kristina his tour manager and pick up the ‘tourmobile’. Charlie went big and got a BMW 320, which was good as it turns out we have a lot of stuff. I’ve never driven a BMW before, and as the licence carrying driver, re-assured both by jerking them violently in the car all the way out of London while a tried to ‘find the bite’.
The first stop was Sheffield Lyceum. Got settled, went for a stroll and bumped into the lovely AJ Brown mooching through town in a dapper hat, so joined him for a bit of walking and looking. Over 400 in, it was a lovely show, and a great way to kick off the tour. Great Gig. Took the BMW home through snake pass. nice.

Day Two - Middlesborough
Sitting in a premier in just outside Middlesborough, Charlie mistakes a lifesize cardboard cutout of Lenny Henry for Ainsley Harriot. Easy mistake.
Middlesborough theatre tonight, not been there but got some mates coming. We shall see.