HeadSpill

Day 18 - Bridlington
Down the North East coast to Bridlington and the Spa Pavillion Theatre. I’ve played there a few times before but not the main theatre. The Victoria guest house, actually in hindsight all of Bridlington is geared toward old people, as evidenced by the three shopping scooters in the lounge and the sit-down shower in our room. Navigating around the town is difficult due to the sheer number of old people who have all perfected the art of getting in the way, and parking the scooters in shop doorways. That said its a also a charity shop mecca and has a large branch of Boyes, so you can even buy charity shop clothes 1st hand. I bought a green sleeveless cardigan. Surprise - I bumped into Steve, one of our comedysportz players on his hols, so a welcome lunch passed the time, and a healthy(ish) one too for a change.

Bridlington isn’t a bad place, In fact it was a top night and the numbers in the show were defied by sheer volume and enthusiasm of an audience who really loved me and Charlie. Aftershow we headed back to the guesthouse for a quick drink in the front-room-converted-into-a-bar, then headed out. The landlord tried to convince us the pubs were about to close at half 10, but we knew better. We met up with Pez and Kylie, two lovely lasses who clearly know how to enjoyed themselves and were escorted around the pubs and nightclubs of Bridlington. I danced stupidly with the locals. There is video of this, will try to get it online.

Day 19 & 20 - Nottingham
The Lakeside Theatre was a sold out show and the missus turned up to film it too, so easily the best show yet, and followed by another well earned break which may only seem like days since the last, but touring days are long and transient - I feel like I’ve been doing this for months, not weeks. With some cajoling from the missus we took in the city of Nottingham, then headed out to sherwood forest and saw the major oak where Robin Hood did his banditry -  and we did some archery, which was well cool even though I didn’t hit anything - and the archery bloke said I was one of those funny ‘left handers’.I get an email from Ben - who I’ve not seen since university radio, easily 10 years back - who was at the show and got a massive shock when I walked out on to the stage, so we hooked for drinks and did a great big catch up session. The woman headed off home from her all too brief visit. I haz a sad. I haz a dominos pizza. and a cider. now not so sad.

New Danny Pensive video now up on Facebook

Croydon, Continued.
So I come stage, not a great one but still full of buzz, and walk upstairs backstage to the ‘artists bar’ because I deserve it, surely, and walk straight into Lloyd Langford and Rhod Gilbert. They were surprised and confused, I hadn’t put two and two together and came out with “Are you on tonight?” to break the silence. Blah, blah, blah. awkwardness. I walked back downstairs. Blah, blah, blah, anecdote, new act competition back in 2002 in York with me and Matt Reed where Rhod closed. Go and see Rhod, he’s on tour at the moment as too, and doing quite well.

Day 15 - Colchester
We were allowed to leave Croydon eventually and went to Colchester which is full of students. The Mercury Theatre venue was octagonally nice, and in lue of the whole town being over occupied for accomodation we  holed up in it for the better part of the day taking advantage of free tea, coffee and wifi. The wifi was free but controlled by a networking jedi master called Colin. If you are a child of the laptop generation, know that Colin does not just give out the WEP key, Colin has memorised it, and also requires you to configure your browser to access the local network using a password, so that any internet signal you access is regulated by the jedi master to block out all questionable content. Some may balk at Colin and his overly secure old school ways, but I know my data-pipe onions enough to know that Colin is hardcore, and to be  respected, standing like a bronze collosus over the mouth of the web-harbour preventing the fragile and  innocent minds of the surfers at the Mercury Theatre from seeing adverts for naughty casinos and f***book.
Good gig, not my best though.
With no accom left in Colchester, we made our way via Peterborough to…

Day 15 & 16 - Hexham
We had time to take in some history and did hadrians wall, which was visally gorgeous if you’re into that kind of thing, which I am. Big vistas, rolling hills and ancient countryside - full of old people, stones and sheep. Steffan Peddie runs a gig at the Queens Hall Arts centre, as did Warren Speed and Neil Magee before him, dating back to the middle ages. I’ve played the venue loads of time but not the main theatre until tonight. It was bloody great too, and I got to sign some autographs with the pen I bought back in newport. Nice.

Day 9 - Exeter.
Exeter is a very pleasant place, though the phone masts are all controlled by ninjas who give you a full signal everywhere except under a tree. The Barnfield theatre was very cosy venue and the show went great. Charlie was doing some radio interviews so we trotted off to BBC radio Devon, which was staffed by man running three shows and didn’t even know we were supposed to be there, he let us in then ran off to do his show, his live show, at the same time. If this is the kind of effect BBC cuts are having on local services, it’s a great shame.

Day 10.
I can’t remember day ten.

Day 11 - Newport.
Newport has the second largest tidal range in europe. That means the tide goes really low, but then comes up really high at night like a cold watery surprise. Charlie found some plates in a junk shop match plates he already has, so it going for the set. I bought a pen. The nice techy chap at the venue looked like the man of the go compare advert, but without the wiggly moustache.

Day 12 - Blackpool
I drove the BMW through a busy pedestrian precinct to get to the loading bay parking, possibly one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done in a car in a seaside town on a Sunday. I went looking for a Jacket Potato for lunch while Charlie had a salad. We found a food court in the local shopping centre, but it only sold fish and chips - even the noodle bar. The Blackpool Grand was a huge venue to fill and Blackpool is a very competitive town for shows. Saying that I had a good one and met the show manager, who really enjoyed the show and said the sound guys was laughing too, and if the sound guy is laughing, you know you’re doing something right

Day 13 - Break
Went home to the missus. Washed, re-packed and cooked a fish curry.

Day 14 - Croydon
Oh London, that there London. I was getting to like you but you make it so hard. You’re like a really fit bird in contour pants. From afar you seem really attractive, but then up close its all squashed up rolls of fat packed into a small space, making it impossible to get around you without breaking a sweat and taking ages. Not seen the theatre yet, but a nice man did come and ‘help’ me by telling me to park somewhere else. There is not parking in Croydon. Bring it on.

Here’s an abridged review of the show from the South Wales Post:

“This was a quite extraordinary tour de force by Ross, who used every ounce of energy at his disposal to re-create Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings utilising physical prowess, a multitude of different voices, music and sounds, not one of which emanated from any other source except himself.

Watching Ross going through his paces was simply amazing, and he even had an enraptured response from people who had no idea what he was doing - which is quite a feat.

Ross was supported in the first part of the show by Danny Pensive, a truly inspired comedian in the mode of John Sparkes’ Siadwel character, whom I could quite happily have watched for longer. Why this man is not a household name is beyond me: gloriously deadpan and very funny, he kept the crowd laughing with subjects ranging from Hopi ear candles and inaccurate advertising on TV.”

Day 6 - Loughborough.
We arrived at the guesthouse early again, thanks the already muddy BMW. The lady owner of the guesthouse is not fully dressed and about to go to a funeral. Apparently the poor deceased had to have his legs and arms broken to fit him in the coffin.
Market street in Loughborough has a Bakers Oven. I passed the greggs specifically to go there, only upon being server to recieve my treats in Greggs bags. Brazen pasty mis-representation if you ask me. “Are you a Greggs or a Bakers Oven?” I asked. “Yes” said the woman behind the counter. Good show in the town hall, though I’m writing this from day 8, so it’s already becoming a bit of a blur.

Day 7 - Cardiff.
No show today so we 3 happy troopers, Charlie, Kristina and me, all rocked up in Cardiff where parking was none existant and chilled out. Charlie had a TV spot, Kristina talked to herself in her room all afternoon (disguising it with a bluetooth headset, but fooling no-one), while I had laptop keyboard bother. Went to see The Expendables, which was loads of fun. Sylvester Stallone has finally found a way to sound like a profound thespian, by having a converstion with Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren is the best thing in the film.

Day 8 - Swansea
Swansea! It’s easy to see a lot of Swansea due to the incomprehensible one ways system that feels like it was invented by a lopsided town planner who got a pen and paper and ‘took a line for a walk’ . That said, the Swansea Grand Theatre is an awesome old venue, and was awesome to play too. There was a reviewer in, as well as Charlie’s tour producer, a very rock and roll chap from the London who also produces shows for Billy Ocean and Micheal Bubble. We all got very drunk and went back to the hotel. I forgot where I was and did a really loud fart in the night, and I think my arse was poking out the bed too. Charlie, if you are reading this, I profoundly apologise.

Day 4 - Great Malvern
“Malvern is full of old people, but they don’t die”, said Bill one of the nice tech crew as we rocked up to Great Malvern Forum Theatre. The older generation dictate the speed of life in Malvern, as exemplified by the equally nice man at the guest house we stayed in who told us loads of information about previous tenants, and the strengh of the wifi signal we could expect from each of the rooms, even though we were only staying in one of them. The main supermarket in Great Malvern is a Waitrose, which kind of tells you what you need to know, on entering it you may take a hand held price scanner around the shop. There is trust in Malvern.
The venue was lovely, and the gig was great, a nice savvy crowd who loved Danny and lapped up Charlie’s show.

Day 5 - Carlisle.
Up the M6 in the sunshine, and a stop off at Tebay services to experience the expensive delights of Westmoorland Farm Shops. I’ll not get a ‘beef growler’ from the deli counter though, am trying to be good.
The Carlisle Sands Centre, a duel purpose venue that is also a sports hall, and big with it. Took a mosey into Carlisle and got in touch with Sarah Ledger, a no-nonsense ex-comic who invited me round for a cuppa. It was great to catch up and chat about old stuff. Charlie really wanted to visit Hadrian’s Wall, we’re back here for Hexham next week, so we’ll do that then.
Tonight’s show was a tough crowd, not hard to please, but hard to keep bouyant - almost like weightlifting - requiring lots of performance heavy lifting to keep them interested. Back down the M6 tomorrow.

The Middlesborough gig was fun. Arriving at the venue charlie was recieved by one of the locals, leaning on a bin asking if he was looking for the post office. The local was a regular who comes to most of their productions. Entering the venue and looking around we spotted this.

Yes, it really is.

Day 3 - Bradford
Got to see my folks before we headed off, which is always great, then straight down the A19 towards Bradford. The theatre is huge, with loads of posters from stand up’s who have toured here. I’m slowly getting my tour legs, and promise to myself to try and eat as properly as I can for the rest of the month. Charlie want to get some silica gel packs (where the hell would you get them?) and Kristina is happy as the sound desk at the venue is a better model. I’m contemplating transcribing some of Danny’s notes into a new diary, as the current one is beginning to look a bit battered now, but saying that the batteredness does have a nice worn quality quality to it, maybe keep it a bit longer until it falls apart.

I’m on tour. Danny Pensive is supporting The One Man Lord of The Rings show throughout September, and this is what happened…

Day one - Sheffield.
Arrived early in the Heathrow branch of Avis to meet Charlie and Kristina his tour manager and pick up the ‘tourmobile’. Charlie went big and got a BMW 320, which was good as it turns out we have a lot of stuff. I’ve never driven a BMW before, and as the licence carrying driver, re-assured both by jerking them violently in the car all the way out of London while a tried to ‘find the bite’.
The first stop was Sheffield Lyceum. Got settled, went for a stroll and bumped into the lovely AJ Brown mooching through town in a dapper hat, so joined him for a bit of walking and looking. Over 400 in, it was a lovely show, and a great way to kick off the tour. Great Gig. Took the BMW home through snake pass. nice.

Day Two - Middlesborough
Sitting in a premier in just outside Middlesborough, Charlie mistakes a lifesize cardboard cutout of Lenny Henry for Ainsley Harriot. Easy mistake.
Middlesborough theatre tonight, not been there but got some mates coming. We shall see.

John Cooper grabs the comedian to chat about his new Edinburgh show “Now I Know My BBC”

This year’s Edinburgh festival is in full swing and with it Toby Hadoke’s new show “Now I Know My BBC”, an affectionate and stroppy love letter to Auntie Beeb touching on shows such as Quatermass, Doomwatch and Survivors. Toby’s previous show “Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf” received five-star reviews in 2007 and toured the UK. I stole some of his time to catch up and talk about his new show. MORE…

Dive! Dive! Dive! Blogger John Cooper looks at subs – and we don’t mean long sandwiches

Thank telly for The Deep, a show that has come along to fill that Paradox shaped hole. I didn’t know about it, I wasn’t excited about it, but I am watching it… and it has a very similar vibe. MORE…

Extracting bits from time and space – blogger and comedian John Cooper has a list of other peoples favourite things

Summer means convention time and in a little street in Manchester I’m helping plan “Vworp 3″ the annual pub-based Doctor Who mini-con. I have in front of me list. A list of Doctor Who moments compiled by the likes of Graeme Harper, Terrance Dicks, Rob Shearman and other respected Who contributors.MORE…